Pre-Engagement Questions and Conversations

Do I want my future children to behave the way my partner does?

Do I think this person will be a good parent to my children?

How important is it to you in attending church and praying together as a family?

How would you discipline our children if they misbehave?

If you are different faiths, in what faith with you raise your children?

What are your family values?

How many children do you want, if any?

What type of schooling do you want your children to go to? How do we want them to be educated?

What is the family structure and family life going to look like?

How soon would you like to start trying for children?

How will we deal with times when we do not want to conceive a child?

How important is your faith to you?

How do you see faith being a part of our relationship and future family?

Will you support and encourage growth of virtue and love of God in me?

What are your beliefs?

To what extent does your beliefs in faith complement mine?

How active are you in your church?

How do you feel about raising children in the faith?

Share an example of forgiveness and what do you think of the Parable of the Prodigal Son?

Are there any Church teachings that we disagree on?

What does your everyday faith life look like? How do you want this to grow and change?

How will you sustain your own faith life and also share the faith with me and our children?

If we have differing faith values, how are we going to talk about this or do you expect one of us to change either before or after we get married?

Is it easy or difficult to pray with me? How can we improve this?

Do you want to be a saint?

What has your faith journey been like and where does it rank in your life?

What do you consider infidelity?

What do you believe sex to be?

When do you believe that it is okay to have sex?

What are your past sexual experiences and difficulties?

Are you willing to abstain until we are married?

How will we deal with times that we do not want to conceive a child?

Do you believe in using contraception in any form?

What are your beliefs about pornography? If you struggle with this, how are we going to work on overcoming it?

How do you receive and give affection other than sexual? How do I want to receive and give affection?

How often do you desire to have sex? How will we come to a decision if we have different ideas of how often?

What are your financial goals?

How do you spend your money?

Do you consider yourself a saver or a spender?

Do you want separate or combined bank accounts?

Where do we want to be on our financials and how do we get there?

How do we start saving properly so we are set in emergencies and for retirement?

What are your goals and plans for buying a house, paying off student loans, paying off large debts, buying a car, other large financial goals.

How would we split/share costs?

Do you want to live separately until we are married? How will we financially prepare for that?

Who would pay for the wedding and how will we deal with that expense?

How often do you think about finances? How do they make you feel?

What does your ideal life look like? How will you know you lived a successful life?

If someone gave you $5 million, no strings attached – where would you live, what would you do for a career and to who/how much would you give away?

What is your end goal for getting engaged?

Where will we live?

Does your future spouse help you either to be, or work towards being a better person?

What are your short and long term goals?

What are you goals as an individual and as a couple?

What are your values?

What does your ideal life look like? (Do you want to spend a lot of time with family, travel, career oriented)

What are your perspectives on physical activity or exercise?

How do you react when you do not reach your goals?

How often do you want to go on vacation? What type of vacations do you like to go on?

Is divorce an option?

Do you know anyone that is divorced and how does that impact how you view marriage?

What do you think will be the best part of being married?

What do you think is the hardest part of marriage?

What are your fears about getting engaged/married?

What is your end goal for getting engaged?

Do you see yourself with this person for the rest of your life?

What do you hope to achieve in our relationship?

How do you plan on growing as a couple once we get married and have children?

What is one thing you ask of me to always do in our relationship?

What does marriage mean to you?

What do you want your household to look like?

What would you like the timeline to be for how long we are dating and engaged?

What is your vision for marriage in 5, 10, 20 years?

Is God calling us to marriage? Are we called to marriage together?

Would you be open to going to therapy, before or after we are married?

How do you view marriage? What is the goal of marriage?

How important is our career to each of us?

What are your career goals and aspirations?

What are you willing to give up for your significant other?

Would you like to stay home or continue working once there are children in the picture?

Would you consider a large move for your career or work?

What are your job demands and how will that affect our marriage and family life?

How do you react when you work is hard? How do you want to work through this together?

Describe and explain your upbringing and family.

How do you deal with stress?

Are you a morning or night person? Are you willing to change that to spend more time with your spouse?

What are your family traditions?

How much time to do you spend with your family? How do you want that to change/stay the same when we are engaged, married, have children?

Do we agree on moral issues?

Are there any health issues or addictions that are significant in your family?

How do you respond to trauma?

Who was in charge of your house growing up in finances, cooking, cleaning, working, educating children, etc.

What does “home” look like and feel like to you?

Are you aware of serious hurts or disfunctions in your family life growing up that might have affected you/or which need to be addressed so as to not carry them into your own married life?

How have you handled conflict in the past? How will we handle conflict when we are married?

Are you an introvert or extrovert? How will we deal with our differing personalities?

How important are your friends to you? How important are my friends to me?

How do you see your friendships changing and evolving when we are engaged and married?

What are your political beliefs? How important are these to you?

What do you see as the source of your happiness?

If this person was the same sex as you, would you be friends? Why or why not?

When considering the traits that makes your partner attractive and desirable, are those traits virtues?

Is this person virtuous?

If you play video games, when you are playing, how long do you play (in length of time) and how often do you play?

What do you consider your greatest weakness? How are you working on this?

What do you consider your greatest strength? How do you allow this to show?

How have you lived before?

Ideal family and number of kids

Disciplinary actions

What faith to raise them in

Type of education

Parenting style

Infertility

Prayer

Beliefs

Attendance at church

Involvement in parish/groups

Disagreements with Church teaching

Role in life

Hopes

Fears

Reservations

Desires

Love languages and showing affection

Contraception or NFP

How to talk about sex

Past Experiences

Infidelity

Roles

Savings

Spending

Account types and amount

Debt

Goals

Budgeting

Tithing and Gifts

Traveling and vacations

Personal and together

Where to live

House/pets/kids/work

Expectations of male and female roles

Pre-nuptial

What marriage is

Divorce

Relationship growth

Conflict style and resolution

Love languages

Date nights – How often, what should we do?

Expectations of relationship

Household responsibilities

Travel

Goals

Staying home/living off of one income

Families of origin

Extended family

Interaction with family

Communication style

Past relationships

Problem solving

Traditions and holidays

Experience of family and parents

Hobbies – Together and separate

View of self and others

Healthcare

Therapy

Values

Friendships outside of marriage

Weaknesses and strengths

Dealing with Adverse Situations

Leisure Time